Normal.

Sorry. It’s the drugs.

My throat is burning. You can’t tell. My eyes are light blue again.

The red? Oh, my lips yes. They burn.

I stick salt in them.

To feel.

Then lick it off.

But the drugs

I put it in my body. To be skinny.

My mind wanders.

Sorry. It’s the drugs.

The red? I’ve bitten them.

The $1.99 salad, please. Don’t play her games.

Why am I giving advice?

This is the very worst state to be in.

The one where you know the walls.

And the faces.

All my arrows point to exits.

Sorry

It can’t be the drugs…

Darks and Reds...

Wine, delicious wine. Smooth and gentle, pouring down my throat. If anything, the bitter sting was all the more reason to indulge and pull the ruby liquid into my body. Past red bitten lips.

Driving home in the rained on night. Loving the warm and slick world. The crafted smell of Forest City. North Iowa in a down pour.

Oh those silent names glowing on my phone.

I want them all.

I want to speak. Those voices. Those, charmingly, real and soft warm voices.

I want to fall into those words.

His knowing. His defiance. Sexual rebellion.

Those tight pants and blue eyes.

All I can do is remember you. Exquisite memories.

Thank goodness for the immediate mentality of a 22 year old mind in the month of July.

I love you
with barely knowing you.

And then there is the one that I know better than to think of...

It's always the bad. The ones that we know we shouldn't indulge. That ring out the loudest. They beckon. They pull. They tempt and draw.

A trip.

I balked.

The attention is damning in itself. Chase those lores. Those deceptive truths. Play the wicked games of fortune.

You, sir, all of you, every last kissing one of you..

You're all a notch on chances' staff.

That beautiful whore.

We followed her home. Didn't we.

She is perfect.

And guilt only seeps in far beyond the all too exotic moment.

I'm tame in these walls. But not in this skin.

I'll follow a safe smile
a warm hug
to a dark corner
or a familiar space

and I'll love
each and everyone
second.

Ahhhhhh......

Change. You sneaky bastard.